Another wild one in the NFL this week, with some great football and some really shitty football. The Booze League wishes the great Jamaal Charles, out for the season with a torn ACL, a speedy recovery. So, who did we pick up the check on last week, and who did we celebrate? Let’s review…
Bengals DEF: Orange. Boom. ‘Nuff. Said.
Derek Carr: The Carr stayed parked in the garage last Sunday, and with 12.86 fantasy points, he ranked 21st among Quarterbacks for Week 5.
Duke Johnson: A toast, but barely. Duke is showing a lot of versatility in the passing game, catching 6 of 8 targets. In contrast, he only saw 9 carries. He was a decent flex option, but nothing more.
Kendall Wright: I should have known better. This one was not really his fault, though, as Tennessee cannot seem to find any rhythm on offense. I didn’t think it was going to be that bad, but I was wrong.
Charles Clay: I bit the big one here. It may have been Clay’s ankle that held him back, but more likely it was the fact that the Titans finally made a good showing against the Tight End position.
Week 6 Pourcast
Matt Ryan (QB - ATL)
Ranking: Natural Ice
Hey, it’s all in the name.
I like Mattural Ice this week, a lot. He’s a 5-0 signal caller going up against an ailing Saints defense who are just a couple of small disasters away from being a full-fledged FEMA camp. Ryan has been decent this season, not spectacular, but he’s getting the job done, and this is probably his best matchup yet, on paper.
Carolina Panthers (DEF)
Ranking: Carlsberg Elephant Beer
The Panthers have been trampling offenses and spiking people with their tusks. This beer is not for a lightweight.
There is a whole lotta hittin’ and snaggin’ going on here. Josh Norman has been a vicious monster at the CB position, and he lines up opposite Charles Tillman, who is no slouch either. The two Cornerbacks have combined for 33 tackles, 4 interceptions and 2 touchdowns in 4 games! Seattle’s pass protection still sucks, and I am betting against them just like I did last week with the Bengals. On the front lines, Carolina’s Linebackers are out of control, busting tackles, sackles, and shackles against their opponents all season long. Also, Luke Kuechly should be back Sunday, and he needs no introduction. I’m looking for a big toast from the Panthers this week!
Pittsburgh Steelers (DEF)
Ranking: Schlitz Malt Liquor
No sir, I don’t like it, and it’s probably just going to give me a headache.
A stadium full of Terrible Towels, an offense without a top QB, and an Arizona Cardinals offense that is the toughest in the league against Linebackers may all add up to a stadium full of Terrible Handkerchiefs to wipe away the tears. Everything spells out “bad matchup” for the Steelers D this week, and I would avoid them like the plague. You may get a little love in return yardage leagues, but I would sit them without hesitation.
Chris Ivory (RB - NYJ)
I’m just going to leave this beer on the shelf. There are way better options out there.
The Redskins and the Dolphins are a similar kind of “suck.” Ivory dissected Flipper last week to the tune of 166 yards and a score, giving him a whopping 24.60 fantasy points. The difference? Miami has an “open door” policy for Running Backs while the Redskins (see American history) have hung the “DO NOT ENTER” sign, rivaling the heralded Jets and Seahawks run Defenses. Keep him on your bench this week.
Colin Kaepernick (QB - SF)
Ranking: Wicked Beaver Midnight Ale
Father! The Sleeper has awakened!!
If anyone can help an unsteady QB find his groove, it’s the Ravens. Balitmore’s tragic secondary just gave Josh McCown a reincarnation. He torched them for 457 yards and 2 touchdowns. He also rushed for one! Yes, Josh McCown rushed it to the house, because the Ravens’ defensive line also sucks copious amount of hindquarter flesh. If Kaeppy can light it up against anyone, it’s Baltimore in Week 6.
Jeffrey Gray is a fitness expert who consults medical and osteopathic students on clinical skills. He is in desperate need of treatment for his fantasy football addiction. You can reach him on Twitter @graydog or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Jeff "The Guru" Gray owns Gray Area Fitness, has a BA in Biology from Whittier College, works with osteopathic and medical students at 2 universities, is an avid shooter, acts, writes, and spins fire. Animal lover, Burner, traveller, fantasy football analyst, he's just your typical Tourette's/A.D.D. kid from the suburbs. He currently looks after his codependent dog and neurotic cat. Passion and experience sums it up for The Guru, and new destinations, great shows, cars, and crazy animal adventures are always within his purvey.