St. Patrick's Day is but a week away. In my opinion, this is the best of the handful of holidays that seem to exist for the sole purpose of making getting trashed for a full day seem like acceptable behavior. Sorry Cinco, I drink margaritas and eat tacos damn near daily because I am a proud lifelong resident of Southern California.
In retrospect, the wearing of green, the pinching of those who are not, the leprechauns, the pots of gold and rainbows that we all grew up with were all actually very effective indoctrination methods geared towards making you a Guinness-guzzling, Jameson-shooting drunken adult every March 17th. And I, for one, love it. I can drink my beloved Guinness for 12 hours straight without reproach. If a date on a calendar could be an enabler, March 17th is it for me.
For true Pros, quietly drinking a Guinness in the corner of a dark pub is not good enough. No, a Pro expects that by the end of the night there will be new friends, drunken jigging, and multiple toasts with your new-found friends as round after sloppy round of booze find their way to thirsty mouths. Here at the Booze League, we know you've got the drinking part handled. But we don't want you throwing off weak toasts like a high school amateur. We got your back...
Here are the best of toasts you can give to a crowded bar so that you can be the hero that that pub needs and deserves.
(Better bookmark this page, because if you're doing it right, there's no way you'll remember all these epic toasts.)
Wylie Withers is the Commissioner of the Booze League and Co-Host of the BoozeCast. He spent many years as 1/3 of the comedy improv duo The Merry Misfits of Doom before pursing a Masters in Boozing (with a Marketing focus). His posterior was featured on the final episode of Beverly Hills, 90210, earning him his SAG card. He'd like to give a shoutout to his liver and left kidney for always being there for him. Follow him on Twitter @wyliewithers or reach him via email email@example.com.